Wednesday, April 27, 2016

The Over-stimulated Introvert

They say God is omnipotent, which means that he knows everything about everything.  Between my job as project manager and my overbooked social calendar, I'm starting to feel the same way.  But instead of making me more godlike, it's just making me annoyed.

I may be all-knowing, but it's stressing me out.  I have too many tabs open in my brain, and it's particularly hard to focus today.  The fact that Animaniacs songs are running on repeat in my head isn't exactly helping.

Basically, I'm overstimulated, which is bad news for an introvert like me.  Things are too loud, too distracting.  I feel the need to unplug everything and sit in a dark room until I can close a few tabs.  Don't call me.  Don't text me.  Someone take Facebook off my phone.  Or just take my phone.  Give me a book and some wine and lock me in for a few hours.

Current mood.

So I don't want to blog, because I can't focus.  Or, I want to blog, but I can't focus long enough to blog about anything particular.  Which tab to pick?  There's so many.  Too many.  And why don't I think about this other thing?  Or that?  Hey, the phone just rang.  There's an e-mail.  Oh, I need to do this.  And that.  And finish that first thing.  Do I need to call my mom tonight?  What should dinner be?  Did I leave the coffeemaker plugged in?

I definitely don't need overly-catchy cartoon show songs playing in a loop.  I'd like to close that tab, but it's like a bad pop-up.  I'll keep trying, but I can't guarantee success without a complete reboot.

I don't need to worry the things I have no control over.  There are lots of those.  At least ten different tabs worth.  All the things I can't change, or at least can't affect at the moment.  Bookmark those and come back at a later date.

I don't need to worry about disappointing people when I can't hang out.  I can't do it all, as hard as I try or want to, and this past weekend is a great example of why trying to do everything and see everyone is a generally bad idea.  I felt like I barely had time to enjoy whatever I was doing because I was worrying about when I needed to leave for my next event.  And after a non-stop weekend of work, hanging out, working out, and making dinner for my parents (my mom fell and has a double fracture in her ankle), I feel like I blew a fuse somewhere.  Some routine maintenance needs to be done, but unfortunately I haven't had much time to turn everything off and turn it back on again.

It's getting bad enough that Mark and I are both ridiculously pleased with the fact that we have absolutely no plans this week.  We're currently trying our best to save money and eat at home as much as possible anyway, but the alone time is as much a bonus as anything else.  He apologized for not coming home and doing chores, and I'm like, "Please.  I barely did laundry over the weekend.  Let's sit here and watch Netflix for two hours."

Maybe by this upcoming weekend I'll be operating at factory settings again.

Until then, please bear with me.

No comments:

Post a Comment